Grief: Sadness and Anger

If you’re not a follower on social media then you’ve probably wondered where I’ve been. Well I wish I could say we hit the lottery, or some other fascinating story. The truth, however, is far from joyous.

My grandmother, Velma Havard passed away on Thanksgiving. It’s still up in the air to know exactly what happened. What we do know is that the evening before she was found in her room and was unresponsive. Her brain was bleeding, they couldn’t operate, and she didn’t have any brain function. She couldn’t breathe on her own, and her heart was struggling to keep up. On Thanksgiving day, around 3:30, it was decided to take her off of life support and she passed away peacefully.

Zack, myself and the kids had driven back to SC to spend Thanksgiving with his family. Needless to say I was a wreck, and on top of it all was hiding it from the boys, so that they could enjoy the now shortened trip. That night I told the kids the news, and as suspected my 5 year old didn’t quite understand, but my 8 year old cried with me. We left to return to AL the following morning. I couldn’t stand to let my Mom go through it without help.

The weekend was pretty much a blur. I still don’t know how I made it through. I’m averaging about five hours a sleep a night, but it’s not quality sleep. Between nightmares and being restless all night, I’m just exhausted. My bad habits are through the roof (I’ll talk about these another day) and I’m still between being sad and downright angry.

The services were lovely, and she would of loved them. I was a bit shocked to see how much it cost though, so for those walking around with only $10k-$15k worth of life insurance, get some more! Oh and men are cheaper to bury then women, and I’m uncertain why.

Everyone has been wonderful, grandma was well loved and she left us too soon. Remember, she went in for a routine back surgery to ease her arthritis, and apart from a small lump in her breast, she was given a clean bill of health. I guess her body just couldn’t take any more pain.

She was a wonderful role model, especially for all of the independent women out there. She raised four children on her own, in a time where women didn’t “do that,” and she worked full time in one of the few professions women could; a nurse.

She had a big heart, and that extended beyond her family. She loved, she laughed, she cried, but most of all she lived.

About Rae Z. Ryans

Rae Z. Ryans is an adult PNR and fantasy author. Her writing credits include Constricted, Valkyrie Rising, Altered, Chivalry and Malevolence, Claws of Insanity, and more.
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